The Works of

Robin Gordon

Auksford crest: a great auk displaying an open book with the words "Ex ovo sapientia"

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Copyright Robin Gordon

Links within this page:  | Stories for children  |  Fiction  |  Poetry, Drama and Music |

Stories for Children

For young children

Big-Lugs the Wallip
Big-Lugs learns that if you want help it's better to be polite than to threaten violence.

Robert Rabbit and Friends
Robert Rabbit and the Smell Well - Robert escapes from the bullying Rexy Fox.
Dick Duck and the Black Duck - Dick boasts about the Duck family ghost).
The tale of Rexy Fox - After Rexy steals some lunch-boxes, Robert and the others teach him a lesson.
Robert Rabbit and the Witch's Imp - The Imp claims Robert to be the Witch's slave.

Verse tales

Gertie Whistlebritches (Boys who don't believe in magic find Gertie is far from defenceless)

Hradlaub, or The Dwarf, the Witch and the Nightmare 
Good Duke Hermann falls ill and the dwarves are blamed for casting a spell on him. 
Only Hradlaub the Dwarf can find out the truth and rescue the Duke, but he has to face the Wicked Witch

For older children

Jellybean and the Warlords of Chaos 
Prep-school boys Jellybean and Frobisher fall through a portaland find themselves in a world of 
warring Orcs and Arachnoid fighting machines. Rescued by Elves they hear that Elves and Dwarves 
are at enmity, that their world has been invaded by alien creatures, and  that it is all thought to be 
the fault of the Dwarf-Elf. Snotrag the Great, leader of the Orcs, wants their heads as trophies. 
Can they outwit him? Is the Gollum-creature friend or foe? Who are the Warlords of Chaos 
and can they ever be defeated?

Links within this page:  | Stories for children  |  Fiction  |  Poetry, Drama and Music  |

Fiction: Novels and short stories


The Kirrins and the Mystery of the Sandy-haired Dwarf
Beginning as a parody of Enid Blyton's "Famous Five" this story develops into a thrilling tale of brave 
teenagers thwarting the evil plans of a terrorist group though kidnapped and threatened with torture 
and death by a paedophile with a predilection for snuff movies. 

New Zephyria

Dr Pimple and the Sleeping Beauty
The old fairytale ploy of inviting all the unmarried girls in the land to a grand ball fails to find a wife for 
wastrel Prince Bertie, who mocks the ugly sisters and then goes off with his friends to fight the town boys. 
Dr Pimple has the answer.

The Royal Wedding 
The Emperor of Borania sends Prince Boris with the gift of bolt of "enchanted cloth" to make a wedding
suit for Prince Egbert and his best man Prince Bruce of Old Zephyria. What a choice for Bertie: reject 
the gift and the enraged Boranians invade to avenge the insult, or walk in procession through the town
in his underwear and become a laughing stock who will soon be overthrown by the republicans. 
Even Oliver Simpkin, the King's omniscient secretary is baffled.

Dr Pimple's miracle cure 
The noise of quarrelling citizens gives the King a headache. Can Dr Pimple find a cure?

Nanny Scungebucket 
The tone darkens. The christening of the baby princess is invaded by Auld Hinnie McIldhu who threatens 
doom but is forced to leave the traditional loophole: they can thwart her if they discover her true identity. 
The baby disappears, Simpkin loses his memory, Prince Egbert's quest to find his daughter fails, 
and the new Prime Minister, a former TV gameshow host, presides over the decline of the country. 
Nanny Scungebucket transforms farming into agribusiness and achieves an economic stranglehold, the last 
herd of unicorn are to be rounded up and slaughtered for petfood - which will enrage the People of the Sea, 
who believe the Unicorn carry the souls of the dead to the underworld - and Prince Egbert disappears while 
trying to stop the roundup. Prince Bruce is accused of murdering him, the King dies, a republic is proclaimed 
and Nanny Scungebucket becomes president. But who, or what, is she?


An innocent young girl discovers that all is not as it seems on the recently colonised planet Sunday: the organisers of the League of Purity indulge in orgies, the Government is engaged in deception and genocide.  Her only possible hope is an Inquisitor.

Chronicles of Halden

Stories and plays set in a northern English city and the surrounding area.

Vol.I: Alarms and Excursions 
According to Miss Hardacre two boys sexually assaulted a girl at school. Rumours fly. 
Journalists look for a story. Truth emerges from unlikely quarters.

Vol. II: The Banner
The battles between the lads of Halden and Swarrell.  In 4 parts:  Sid; Nails; Effie; 
and The Battle.  Presented in both the original version, as series of four plays, 
and the revised version, a mock-heroic epic in four parts.

Vol. III:  Brian's Saga  
Schoolboy Brian thinks his besetting sin is masturbation, though in fact it is priggishness. He reads the 
story of the local saint, St Sweyne, a Viking who began his career with rape and pillage before an 
illness and miraculous cure converted him to Christianity. Sweyne is duped by the scheming Odd Fart 
into killing the Druid of Derweddsdale, the Avanc comes forth, and Sweyne alone can slay it. Brian, 
priggishly angered by the superstition of those of his schoolfellows who come from Baldersdale, decides 
it is his duty to follow in Sweyne's footsteps and confront the Worm Master), but his role in the 
confrontation between the Powers of Light and Darkness is not at all what he had imagined.

Vol.IV: A Collection of shorter Halden stories 
The Little Friends - Sheila plots revenge against the boy who humiliated her brother.
A Tale of Three Sisters - Olivia, Maria and Irene are exiled to Swardale after their doctor father has 
to give up his London practice because of his alcoholism.
Anniversary Party - Angry Sandra recounts her brother Tony's refusal to stay at home for their 
parents' wedding anniversary, his insistence on going out to a football match with his gang, 
and his come-uppance.

Vol. V: Les Épatants
George Walker remembers his teenage days, joining Sebastian's gang of rebel sixth-formers and
watching in increasing horror as their rebellion escalates from schoolboy posturing to blowing up 
the school hall - but was Sebastian the really the leader, or has George's memory played him false?

Short stories and Novellas 

Christmas with Violet Elizabeth 
Admirers of Richmal Crompton were appalled to hear of a plan to make a television series about 
the Outlaws' adult life, with Ginger as a homosexual hairdresser. Luckily it was never made, or dire 
revenge might have fallen upon the heads of the perpetrators of such an outrage. I hope this little 
vignette from William's later life may prove more acceptable, as Violet Elizabeth, still with her lisp, 
organises her husband and his friends as they struggle to erect an overlarge Christmas tree at the Hall.

Leaves in the wind 
Susan is distressed to have her husband's friend Hugh to stay, especially as she thinks he'll interfere in 
her plan to restore the garden. Knowing Edward can't stand her, she invites her friend Cheryl. The 
chemistry of love works in mysterious ways, however, and Susan soon wishes Hugh were not so 
honourable that he'd resign himself to unhappiness rather than betray a friend.

The tale of Omar and John 
The story describes through the figures of Omar and John how some asylum seekers, have, contrary 
to all the laws of honour and the respect due to a host, taken advantage of the generosity of the British, 
deceived and betrayed their benefactors and plotted their destruction.

L'Estrange on Love: 
Reminiscences of Sir Hannibal L'Estrange, bart. of Fosswick in the County of Norsex
transcribed and edited by Robin Gordon. 
Preface: How I decided to record Sir Hannibal's anecdotes and why I haven't had time to publish 
them until now. 
The Power of Love: How Sir Hannibal's nephew Richard was overcome by the power of love. 
A gnome at Auksford: Sir Hannibal's undergraduate great-nephew John fell for the wrong sort of girl. 
Pork Pie: Sir Hannibal's first meeting with his wife.

L'Estrange on Love II: Rum business: 
Sir Hannibal tells the story of Julian Rummocks, tried for the attempted murder of his first employer's 
wife, whom he had seduced, when her letter prevented his advantageous marriage to the daughter of 
his second employer, an earl.

Noddy comes to Toyland: Part I and Part II:  
Enoch Blyton's 19th C. manuscript: trouble at the Toyland Factory, a gang of wreckers called the 
Hobgoblins, organised by Captain Moonlight, sabotage the factory.  The owner, Mr Claws, is sure 
Noddy, a new man taken on by the overseer Mr Plod without proper references, is the leader.  
Could this be the tale that inspired Enid Blyton?

Saving Face
When Michael's braces broke just as he was about to get off the train and meet his cousins, 
he didn't want to look silly by admitting that his trousers were in danger of falling down

Links within this page: | Stories for children  |  Fiction  |  Poetry, Drama and Music  |

Poetry, Drama and Music

Poems & V
erse tales

See  Stories for Children: Verse tales (Gertie Whistlebritches and Hradlaub);
and also Fiction: Chronicles of Halden: (The Banner: a mock heroic epic, and the poems in  Brian's saga)

Poems, Part I
Collected poems of the sixties and seventies

Poems, Part II
Collected poems of the eighties and nineties

The Auksford Bible in Verse:
Fragments of the Gospel according to Robin Gordon (Evangelium pinguinimpennense)

Verses on the state of Britain, with particular reference to Brexit


See also Fiction: Chronicles of Halden:The Banner: dramatic tetralogy,
and also Music (below): Gertrude Jekyll and Mr Hyde.

The Oympian Experiment
A Doctor Who adventure, not a piece of fanfic, more a lost episode, since it was submitted to the BBC, 
accepted with enthusiasm by the scripts department, but rejected by the then new production team, 
which had decided that Doctor Who was no longer to be a witty series but was to concentrate on 
"fantasised violence" designed to appeal almost exclusively to 13-year-old boys. They did, however, 
plagiarise the human sacrifice scene from the beginning and graft it rather oddly onto a farrago of 
nonsense set in 16th-century Italy. The Olympian Experiment is set in Ancient Greece where the Time 
Lords are conducting an experiment with the Greeks and Trojans. The Doctor (Tom Baker) and 
Sarah rescue Iphigeneia, are almost caught, and accompany Odysseus as he is sent off the 
planet Circe by Poseidon, who hopes to become President of the High Council of Gallifrey and 
alter the laws to allow the Olympian Experiment to be used as a precedent for widespread 
experimentation with less-developed races.

A burlesque in verse of Goethe's Faust satirising extreme sexist feminism, represented by Mephista, with a sideswipe at male laddish behaviour (a rugby club stag party) with the dispute of the Ancient Greek philosophers replaced by an ill-tempered quarrel between Sigmund Freud and Alfred Adler.


Gertrude Jekyll and Mr Hyde: a musical
Sherlock Holmes is asked to investigate the Ripper murders while his friend, Dr Watson, has fallen in love
Gertrude Jekyll, whose brother, Dr Henry Jekyll, has undertaken a dangerous experiment to release
the dark side
of his nature, incarnated in the villanous Edward Hyde.

See Index of songs [not yet available]

Links within this page:  | Stories for children  |  Fiction  |  Poetry, Drama & Music  |   

Please remember that all these works are copyright.
See Copyright and concessions for permitted uses

Auksford index

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