Pete:
Willie! M’n, you’ve gotta do
summat! They’re all over the Engine Sheds!
Willie:
So
what?
Pete:
The Engine
Sheds,
Willie! They’re our
headquarters
now.
Dragons:
Yeah!
The Engine Sheds!
We gotta drive ’em off!
Willie:
I’m not ready yet.
Pete:
But
… the Engine
Sheds!
Dragons:
Yeah!
Pete:
What’s got into you, Willie?
Willie:
I’m sick of King, that’s what! He treats
me like a
kid. I want him really annihilated. We’re
waiting
till they’re all shagged out – then we’ll
get
’em!
Pete:
But
the Engine Sheds!
Dragons:
Yeah, the Engine Sheds!
What about the Engine Sheds?
What we gonna do?
Willie:
When I give the word we’ll sweep down on
’em. Then we’ll have the pants off the
lot of them!
Dragons:
What about the Engine Sheds? [chanting]:What
about
the Engine
Sheds? What
about
the Engine
Sheds?
Pete:
You’ll have no gang left if you don’t do summat.
Willie:
When I’m ready.
Dragons:What
about
the Engine
Sheds? What
about
the Engine
Sheds?
Willie:
Orright. You can take some of the lads and clear
’em off the Engine Sheds.
Dragons:
Raaay!
Willie:
But that’s all. Just off the sheds, then you come
back
here. Let ’em keep fighting King’s
gang. Off
the sheds and that’s all!
Pete[leading
a squad away]:
Yeah. Orright.
ACT
III, SCENE 2
The
viaduct. The girls are looking down on the
battlefield.
Tommo and the Wild Bulls, Hotrod and the Furies, Johnny
Cowan’s
gang and others are on the roof of the Engine Sheds, taunting the
Swarrell youths who have retreated to the scrapyard.
Halden lads:
We’ve got
the engine
sheds,
We’ve got
the engine
sheds,
ee-aye-addio
We’ve got
the engine
sheds!
We shall
not, we shall
not
be moved
We shall
not, we shall
not
be moved We’re
the
lads
from Ha-al-den
and we
shall not
be moved!
Where are Swa-rrell?
Where are Swa-rrell? They’re
among
the scrap!
Cos the wankers
fro-om Swa-rrell
A-are just
a load of crap!
We’ve got
the engine
sheds,
We’ve got
the engine
sheds,
ee-aye-addio
We’ve got
the engine
sheds!
Rita:
Look!
Rita
points
towards the far side of the goods yard, where the Black Dragons are
swarming towards the Engine Sheds.
Norah:
It’s the Black Dragons! Now there’ll be
some
fun! Hey, Jane, are you watching? The Black Dragons
are
coming!
Jane:
Yeah! Now it’s Halden’s turn to get
beaten.
Norah:
Yeah! The Dragons’ll have their kecks off!
The
Dragons suddenly begin yelling as they come upon the Halden lads
milling round the Engine Sheds. The effect is immediate:
taken by
surprise the Halden lads break and flee towards the Alebeck.
The
youths on the roofs break off their songs, scramble down and join the
headlong flight.
Norah:
They’re getting away!
One
of the
last of the Engine Sheds stumbles and is grabbed by the Dragons.
Rita:
They’ve got one!
Ada [shouting
over the
parapet]: Take his
trousers off!
Rita:
They’re stripping him!
Down
below most of the Dragons are following Pete in pursuit of the fleeing
Halden lads. Norah trains her binoculars on the group
stripping
their prisoner. They pull off his jacket and boots.
Rita:
I
can’t see properly. Are they taking his pants off?
Ada:
Let’s all shout!
Norah [shocked]:
It’s Johnny!
Rita:
What?
Ada:
Shall
we shout?
Norah:
Ye… No!
Thelma:
It’s a boy,
Norah. Let’s get his pants
off!
Norah:
No. He’s school bully. I need him to
debag the lads at school. Let him go.
The
Dragon’s begin throwing Johnny’s jacket and boots
around. Suddenly he makes a break for it and hares towards
the
steps. The Dragons chase him.
Dragons:
Get him! Get his pants!
Johnny
redoubles his efforts and runs up the steps. The Dragons give
up the pursuit and turn away.
Norah[to
Rita]:
Get him away. Send him home while he’s still in one
piece.
Rita:
But
…
Norah:
We need
him.
There’ll be debaggings at school. Send him home.
Rita
nods and
goes over to Johnny.
ACT
III, SCENE 3
The
battlefield. The Halden lads are still fleeing across the
goods
yard. As they get further away from the Engine Sheds the
pursuing
Dragons give up the chase. Pete, carried away by enthusiasm
and
the possibility of an easy capture, is close on the heels of
Scouse. Scouse cannot outrun him, nor can he shake him off by
jinking this way and that. Pete gets between Scouse and the
Halden lads, forcing Scouse sideways towards the viaduct. At
last
Scouse makes a supreme effort to circumvent Pete, only to be tackled
and brought down.
Scouse:
Gerroff! Help!
Pete:
I
got one! I got one!
Suddenly
Tommo
and the other Wild Bulls turn to rescue Scouse, and Pete disappears in
the middle of a wild scrimmage.
Norah:
Raaay! Get his trousers off!
Rita:
Here
come some more!
Ronno
leads out a sortie from the scrap-yard. They charge towards
the
scrimmage, but the other Halden lads have turned and drive them back.
Norah:
Look! Look!
The
Wild Bulls have removed Pete’s scarf, jacket and shoes and
are
pulling off his trousers. They’re off, and Tommo
waves them
triumphantly. The Halden lads and the girls cheer
wildly.
While the Halden youths mock the trouserless Pete, Tommo climbs onto a
pile of rubble and waves the captured trousers at the discomfited
Swarrell gang.
Tommo:
Raaay! We got another Banner! [sings]:
Oh we’re coming for your trousers,
Swarrell scum!
Wild Bulls:
Swarrell scum!
Oh we’re coming for
your trousers,
Swarrell scum!
oh you’d best run to
your mums
before we bare your bums,
cos we’re coming for
your trousers,
Swarrell scum!
Pete
breaks
away from the Halden lads and flees trouserless to the Engine
Sheds. A hail of stones speeds him on his way.
Tommo:
Raay! Look at him go. – [He waves
Pete’s
trousers]:
Halden! Wild
Bulls! Tommo the Dragon-Killer! Tommo, King of the
Two Towns! Raaay!
ACT
III, SCENE 4
The
viaduct.
Norah:
Things are really moving now. Hey, that’s one pair
o’ kecks to us, eh?
Jane:
What
d’you mean: to you?
Norah:
To us!
And when Little Willie comes he’ll have the pants
off all the Halden lads. Hey, great, eh? Boys are
so
stupid. Hey, we’ve gotta make sure they all
have to go home
in their shirts, eh? Yeah, listen: egg ’em on,
eh?
Eh, Jane? Eh, Thelma? You go on down and egg the
Swarrell
lads on. Go and get Willie! Tell him
what’s
happened! Tell him to come and get the pants off the Halden
lads! And Rita’ll go and encourage the Halden lads,
eh? Get ’em all to take each other’s
pants off as
trophies, eh?
Girls:
Yeah!
Norah:
Tell ’em we’ll
keep the trophies safe, eh? Get ’em to hand
’em over to us,
eh?
Girls:
Yeah!
Norah:
Then we’ll nick off with them, eh? We’ll
nick off
wi’ their knickers, eh? And they’ll all
go home in
their shirt-tails, eh? Great, eh?
Girls:
Yeah!
ACT
III, SCENE 5
Battlefield.
The victorious Halden youths are chanting and jeering at
Swarrell. Tommo brandishes Pete’s trousers.
Halden:
We’re coming for your pants!
We’re coming for your pants!
Ee-aye-addio, we’re coming for your pants!
We’re gonna teke them off!
We’re gonna take them off!
Ee-aye-addio, we’re gonna take them off!
We’re going
to take
your trousers
off!
We’re going
to take
your trousers
off!
We’re going
to take
your trousers
off!
We’re coming for your pants!
We’re coming for your pants!
Ee-aye-addio, we’re coming for your pants!
We’re going
to take
your trousers
off!
We’re going
to take
your trousers
off!
Onward Halden hooligans,
marching as to war!
We’ll take the pants off Swarrell,
just like we did before!
We’ve got a Dragon’s trousers.
We’re coming for some more.
We’ll use ’em for our banners
in our holy war.
Onward Halden hooligans,
marching as to war!
We’ll take the pants off Swarrell,
just like we did before!
We’re going
to take
your trousers
off!
We’re going
to take
your trousers
off!
We’re coming for your pants!
We’re coming for your pants!
Ee-aye-addio, we’re coming for your pants!
We’re going
to take
your trousers
off!
We’re going
to take
your trousers
off!
Oh we’re coming for your trousers,
Swarrell scum! Swarrell scum!
Oh we’re coming for your trousers,
Swarrell scum!
Oh we’re coming for your trousers,
yes, we’re coming for your trousers,
yes we’re coming for your trousers,
Swarrell scum!
We’re going
to take
your trousers
off!
We’re going
to take
your trousers
off!
While
all this
is going on Scouse has been trying to attract Tommo’s
attention.
Scouse:
Tommo!
Tommo:
What?
Scouse:
Let’s get out of here.
Tommo:
What?!
Scouse:
Let’s go while we’re still ahead.
Tommo:
What’s wrong
with you?
Scouse:
I
don’t like it. Let’s go.
Tommo:
You
must be mad.
Scouse:
They’re gonna attack again.
Tommo:
So
what? We’ll have their pants off!
Scouse:
They might have ours.
Tommo:
Get
lost!
Rita
has
arrived.
Rita:
Yeah, get lost, you!
Don’t listen to him, Tommo. Hey,
we’re all up on the bridge, cheering you on.
We’re
all dead chuffed. We think you’re heroes.
Tommo:
Yeah. Heroes!
Rita:
We’ll have a heroes’ welcome for you –
and you know what that
means.
Tommo:
Yeah! Hear that, lads? The lassies think
we’re
heroes, and they’ll have a heroes’ welcome for us.
Halden:
Raaay!
Rita:
Yeah. You’re really making Swarrell look
daft. Hey,
taking the pants off that lad, eh? Taking his pants
off!
That was great. You really made him look silly.
Hey, I
reckon you could take the pants off all
the Swarrell
lads before
you’re finished.
Tommo:
Yeah, easy!
Rita:
Course you don’t want to have any of your lads tied up
guarding
the trophies … I
know: bring ’em over to us.
We’re up on the bridge. We’ll look
after’em!
Tommo:
Yeah! Strip the pants off the Swarrell lads and give
’em to the girls!
Great, eh?!
Tommo
hand
Pete’s trousers to Rita, then he takes the Banner from Nelly
and gives that to her too.
Halden:
Yeah! Raaay!
We’re going
to take
your trousers
off!
We’re going
to take
your trousers
off!
We’re coming for your pants!
We’re coming for your pants!
Ee-aye-addio, we’re coming for your pants!
ACT
III, SCENE 6
The
Engine
Sheds. The sound of Halden chanting fills the air, and the
Swarrell lads are battered, gloomy and dispirited.
Jane:
What d’you mean you wanna go home?
Listen! All the
lassies from Swarrell are up there on the bridge watching –
and
you’re gonna let yourselves be beaten? You
wanna go
home? Call yourselves men? You deserve to have your
pants
taken off – the whole lot of you!
Ronno:
There’s nowt we can do. There’s more
o’ them.
Jane:
Thelma’s gone for Willie. The Dragons are
coming. All
you’ve got to do is keep the Halden lads occupied.
Once the
Dragons start on ’em it’ll all be over.
D’you
want everybody to think you’re scared of Halden?
Listen,
they’re a load of hot air! If you lot go out and look
as if
you can fight, they’ll back down.
The
Swarrell
lads murmur uneasily.
Jane:
Yella! I’ll give you one last chance –
but if you
don’t go out and fight, we’re
gonna start cheering for
Halden – and when they come and take your pants off
we’re
coming down for a good look, just to see if you’ve got
anything.
Ken:
We
fought ’em.
Stan:
There’s more of them than us.
Ken:
We
fight clean.
Stan:
Yeah. We could’ve taken the pants off them, but we
didn’t.
Jane:
Well, now’s your chance. Hey, anyone who gets us a
pair of
Halden jeans gets a hero’s welcome – and you know
what that
means!
Swarrell lads:
Hey!
Phwoar!
Hero’s welcome!
Cor!
ACT
III, SCENE 7
The
embankment. Willie’s camp.
Thelma:
Yeah, then they stripped him. Took off everything, even his trousers
– the dirty sods!
Willie:
Who did it?
Thelma:
Tommo. He’s waving Pete’s trousers round
and calling
himself Tommo the Dragon-Killer and Tommo the King of the Two Towns.
Willie:
Right! We’re gonna make our move!
Thelma:
We’re all up on the bridge, cheering you on.
Willie:
Go
for Tommo first! Get the others later!
Thelma:
You can bring their pants up to us. We’ll look
after them for you.
Willie:
Yeah! I’m gonna have the kegs off that Tommo the
Dragon-Killer!
ACT
III, SCENE 8
The
girls on the viaduct are looking down on the confused
mêlée as the Swarrell lads come out from behind
the Engine
Sheds and the Halden lads advance, still chanting and cheering.
Rita comes up the steps and brings Pete’s trousers
and the Banner to Norah.
Rita:
I
gottem!
Jane
arrives.
Jane:
Are
you going to give those back to Pete?
Norah:
Am I hell! Nobody’s getting his pants back after
this
fight. You don’t think any of them
are going to
win, do
you? We’re
the winners!
Down
below the
struggle moves into the shadow of the Engine Sheds.
Norah:
I
can’t see … Ooh, look!
Somebody’s lost his pants!
Jane:
Here
come the Dragons!
Norah:
Raay!
The
Dragons
charge into the struggle, laying about right and left.
Norah:
Raaay! Great! Go down and collect the trophies, you
lot! What are you standing about for? Go
on!
They’re all ripping each other’s pants
off! Go on!
Some
of the
girls go off down the steps.
ACT
III, SCENE 9
In
the thick
of the battle.
Willie:
Dragons! Come on, lads! Where’s
Tommo? Where’s the King of the Two Towns?
Steve:
There he is!
Willie
and a squad of Dragons pursue Tommo and the Wild Bulls. The
chase
is wild and confusing through a mêlée of fighting
and
struggling boys. The Halden lads retreat, except for those in
the
clutches of the Dragons. The Wild Bulls make a break for the
Alebeck.
Willie:
Head ’em off!
Willie
shoots
off to intercept the Wild Bulls and crashes into Rita, Ada and a group
of Halden girls.
Rita:
Ow!
Ada:
Watch
where you’re going!
Rita:
Ooh! Look who it is!
Ada:
We
were winning till you lot came!
Rita:
Hey,
now’s our chance to even the score.
Halden girls:
Yeah!
The
Halden
girls grab Willie. he puts up a furious struggle but is
overborne and pulled onto the ground.
Willie:
Gerroff! Gerroff! Help!
Jane,
Thelma
and some other Swarrell girls come rushing up.
Jane:
Leave him alone!
The
Swarrell
girls dive in to rescue Willie.
Jane:
You’re supposed to be egging ’em on, not stripping
our lads!
Rita:
Don’t you tell me
what to do – or I’ll have your
knickers off!
Jane:
Oh
yeah?
Norah
arrives.
Norah:
Stop it, will ya?! Just stop it! You’re
as bad as the boys.
Jane:
She
…
Norah:
Nobody joins in fighting! Egg ’em on! And
bring me their kecks!
The rival factions of girls part, Willie scrambles away, and
Norah returns to the viaduct.
ACT
III, SCENE 10
From
the viaduct Norah is looking out over the battle. Most of the
Halden lads have fled over the Alebeck towards the allotments between
the main railway line and the beck. Willie rejoins his mates.
Willie:
Where is he?
Steve:
There!
The
Wild Bulls are cut off from the main Halden retreat, dodging round
rubble, buffers and disused sidings as they try to outflank the
Swarrell lads and get back to Halden.
More Dragons join Willie and they move slowly towards the
Wild Bulls, who retreat.
The Dragons increase in number and fan out to surround the
Bulls. Suddenly the Bulls make a dash towards the main
railway
line. The Dragons race after them but the Bulls are
ahead.
Just as they reach the embankment a goods-train thunders past and they
have to stand helpless while the Dragons close in. As soon as
the
train is past the Bulls charge up the embankment and across the line
with the Dragons at their heels.
Tommo is caught. The Dragons cheer, and the Bulls
continue
their flight, floundering through the Alebeck marshes.
Willie:
Let ’em go! I wouldn’t want to touch
their kegs after
they’ve been through the Alebeck Marshes.
We’ve got
the one we want: Tommo, King of the Two Towns!
Let’s take
him back for his coronation.
The
Dragons
hoist the helpless Tommo onto their shoulder and carry him off with his
legs kicking harmlessly in the air.
ACT
III, SCENE 11
The
viaduct. The girls watch as the Dragons bring Tommo back as
their prisoner.
Thelma:
Hey, this’ll be good, Norah. Hey. they might give
’im the Count.
Norah:
What’s that?
Thelma:
You’ll see.
Jane:
What
are we gonna do with the trophies?
Norah:I’ll
look
after them.
Jane:You’ll
give ’em to the Halden lads.
Thelma:
She won’t!
They’ll be safer with her than any of us.
Norah:
Where’s the Halden lads gone anyway?
Thelma:
Run away.
Norah:
We’ve gotta get ’em back! It’s
not over
yet. Hey, Rita! Go and get ’em
back. Tell
’em Tommo’s caught. They’ve
gotta rescue
’im.
Jane:
No! We want to see him really done over!
Norah:
So do I
– and they
won’t be in time to stop it, but they
might try and rescue him when it’s too late – and
we might
get a few more trophies.
Thelma:
Aw
leave it, Norah. We’ve had some good fun, and
this’ll be the big finish.
Norah:
Go on,
Rita!
Rita:
I’ll be missin’ all the fun … aw, all
right.
Rita
leaves. Norah and the others look over the parapet at what is
happening in the goods yard. The procession bearing Tommo has
swollen to include all the Black Dragons. Other Swarrell lads
are
looking on or joining in. The procession chants continuously
and
with great relish.
Swarrell lads:
We’re going
to take
his trousers
off!
We’re going
to take
his trousers
off!
We’re going
to take
his trousers
off!
