The
mouth of a
back lane near the gathering of
Nails’s troops at the corner of Wellington Street.
Tommo,
Scouse, Janice and Julie.
Tommo:
There they are. It’s up to you.
Janice:
Don’t leave us!
Tommo:
Got
to. If they knew we’d warned you, we’d
all be for it. See ya.
Tommo
and
Scouse withdraw.
Janice:
What shall I do?
Julie:
Go
and find him. I’ll wait here.
Janice:
No! You come too!
Julie:
You
only brought me out of spite.
Janice:
I’m afraid. Don’t leave me,
Julie. There are so many of them, and they all look so
…
savage.
Julie:
He
must be somewhere in the middle.
Janice:
Look out!
Janice
and
Julie draw back into the lane as Marlene and Claire leave the gang and
pass them.
Julie:
It’s Marlene Foster.
Janice:
Who’s she?
Julie:
His
girlfriend.
Janice:
Who?!
Julie:
Shurrup a minute. A’ve got an idea.
Look, if he’ll listen to you,
he might listen to her
just the
same. If we can get her on our side, she’ll maybe
speak to
him.
Janice:
I
couldn’t speak
to her!
Julie:
Well, you’ll just have to go and find him yourself.
Janice
shakes
her head.
Julie:
You
promised Victor Mouse.
Janice:
Will you come with me if I go and speak to her?
Julie:
Come on or we’ll lose her.
Janice
and
Julie go after Marlene.
ACT
III, SCENE 2
A
café: a small, cheap and rather nasty
place, deserted except for a waitress behind the counter and Marlene
and Claire at a table in the corner. Marlene and Claire look
up
as Janice and Julie come in. Janice and Julie buy teas at the
counter, then come to the table. Marlene and Claire light
cigarettes.
Janice:
All right if we sit here?
Marlene:
Suit yourself.
Claire:
It’s a free country.
Janice
and
Julie sit down.
Janice:
Actually I wanted to talk to you about Michael.
Marlene:
Who?
Marlene
blows
smoke towards Janice.
Janice:
Michael Palmer.
Marlene:
Oh, you mean Nails.
Marlene
blows
more smoke at Janice.
Janice[coughing]:
Yes. Nails.
Marlene:
D’you know ’im, then?
Janice:
I’m Janice Greenwood.
Marlene[as
if the name meant nothing to
her]: Oh?
Marlene
flicks
her cigarette ash into Janice’s tea. Janice pulls
her cup back.
Marlene:
Sorry.
Marlene
blows
more smoke into Janice’s face.
Janice [coughing]:
Michael’s been going round with me for the last couple of
weeks.
Marlene[midway
between absent-minded
boredom and an ill-concealed sneer]:
Has he?
Janice:
Yes … [She
stops helplessly].
Marlene:
I
suppose you’re in love, you and him?
Janice[uncertainly]:
Yes … yes … I think so.
Marlene
blows
smoke in Janice’s face. Janice coughs.
Janice:
I
wish you wouldn’t blow smoke in my face.
It’s not very nice.
Marlene[with
a bored sneer]:
Isn’t it?
Marlene
blows
more smoke at Janice, who tries to fan it away with her hand.
Janice[coughing]:
Please. I’ve come to talk to you seriously about
Michael.
Marlene:
Nails!
Janice:
Er
… yes … about Nails.
Marlene[with
a hard edge to her voice]:
What about him?
Janice:
He’s going to start a fight, isn’t he?
Marlene:
What if he is?
Janice:
But we haven’t done anything to him.
Marlene:
You’ve done plenty! If it hadn’t been
for you he’d have slaughtered that Swarrell lot ages
ago.
You, with your namby-pamby religious ways – turn the other
cheek
and that! What d’you think it’s been like
for
us? With everybody jeering at us? All that Swarrell
lot
jeering at us? What d’you think it’s been
like for me?
Janice:
I’m sorry. I don’t know anything about
all that. I’m not interested in your gang
fights. Why
d’you have to pick on us?We
didn’t do anything to
any of you. We
didn’t even know about the gang from
Swarrell. Have your fight with them if you want – I
don’t care – but leave us
alone.
Please!
Marlene
looks
at Janice with a hard expression of triumph and blows smoke in her face.
Janice [coughing]:
Look, please! Look! I
don’t care if I never see Nails again. You
can have
him. Just tell him to leave us alone.
Marlene [slowly
and
sarcastically]: I
can have
him?
I
can have
him, can I? You
don’t want him any more, so you
give him to me, do you?
Janice[sobbing]:
Yes! Yes!
Marlene:
You stupid little bitch! How can you give me what
I’ve already got?
Janice:
But …
Marlene[triumphant]:
He’s come back to me!
It’s because of me
that he’s going to do Swarrell –
and it’s because of me
that he’s going to do you lot at the
YPF. Just you listen to me, Janice Greenwood. You
think
you’re so soddin’ superior just ’cos you
live in a
big house and work in a library and go round with that poncy vicar
– well let me tell you, nobody laughs at Nails Palmer while
I’m
around, and you can tell that
to them little poofs at the
YPF, and you can tell them we’ll be along
for them
soon, and if I
see you
when we get there I’ll scratch your bleeding eyes
out. Come on, Claire. There’s a bad smell
in here!
Marlene
flicks
her cigarette end into Janice’s tea and stalks out, followed
by Claire.
Julie[timidly]:
We’d better get back and warn the others.
Janice[with
angry determination]:You
can! I’m
going to find Michael. I’m not letting that bitch
get away
with treating me like that.
Julie:
But
…
Janice:You
don’t
have to come. I can go myself. I’ll be
better off without
you!
Exit
Janice.
ACT
III, SCENE 3
The
corner of
Wellington Street where Nails’s
gang is gathered. Janice attempts to push her way through the
crowd.
Janice:
Scuse me. Can I come through, please?
Hotrod:
Hey, it’s one o’ them tarts from the church!
Gang:
Raaay!
Hotrod:
Hey, you lot from the church are always going on about
love and that, aren’t ya? So how’s about
a bit
o’ loving for me?
Gang:
Wa-hay!
Janice:
Gerroff!
Tommo:
Hey! Watch it, m’n! That’s
Nails’s private property, that is.
Hotrod:
Yeuch! He don’t wan’ ’er.
He’s got Marlene.
Gang:
Yeah!
She’s a fuckin’ bitch, he said.
It’s ’cos of ’er we’re
doin’ the youth
club, innit?
Yeah! Get her knickers off!
My turn next wid ’er!
Tommo:
Hey! Let’s take her over to Nails! See
what he does wid ’er!
Some of the gang:
Yeah!
Tommo:
Come on!
Hotrod:
We
can do plenty wid ’er ourselves.
Gang:
Yeah! Raaay! Raaaay!
Tommo:
I
wouldn’t like to be in your
shoes.
Hotrod:
Let’s have a gang-bang!
Gang:
Raaay!
Tommo:
Not
before a battle, ya berks!
Scouse:
Save your strength.
The
gang cheer
unheedingly. Tommo mutters to Scouse, sending him off to find
Nails.
Tommo:
Hang on lads! Hang on! Nails gets first screw!
The
gang still
cheer unheedingly as they swarm around Janice. Scouse comes
back with Nails.
Nails:
What’s gan on?
Tommo:
They’ve grabbed some tart.
Nails:
Who?
Tommo:
Dunno. Think she was looking for you.
Nails[shouting]:
Hey! Hey! What’s gan
on? Hey! Come on lads! That’s
enough!
The
gang pay
no attention. Nails dives in and drags out Hotrod.
Hotrod:
Gerroff, ya bugger!
Nails:
Come ’ere! What d’you think
you’re doing?
Hotrod:
It’s a gang-bang. Lemme get at ’er!
Nails[holding
on to Hotrod]:
You want your bloody heads
examining, the lot of you! You’re going to need all
your
strength for when we get to Swarrell. Or had you forgotten
there’s a war on? Who is it anyway?
Let’s have
a look!
The
gang are
quelled and move away, revealing the dishevelled Janice, who looks up
and sees Nails.
Janice:
Oh, Michael!
Nails[recognising
her]:
Oh!
Nails
turns
away. Janice clings to him.
Janice:
Michael, I love
you!
Nails:
Piss off!
Janice:
I do.
Michael, I do.
I
wasn’t sure before, but I am now. Can’t
we talk.
Nails [coldly]:
I’m listening.
Janice:
Oh, Michael, you know I can’t say anything like
that in front of people. – [Tearfully snuggling
close]: Take me
away from here, Michael, away
from them.
I
don’t know how you can make me say it in front of them,
Michael,
after what they tried to do … I’m trying to give
myself to
you, Michael.
Nails:
What?!
Janice:
Rather than lose
you, Michael, I’d do anything.
Nails:
Anything?
Janice:
Anything. Walk through fire and water. Anything.
Nails[putting
his arms around her]:
Even …
Janice:
That above all, Michael. Oh, you do
want me,
don’t you?
Nails
seizes
her and kisses her greedily.
Janice reciprocates. The gang cheer. Janice pulls
away and
resists Nails’s attempts to kiss her again. She
makes him
aware of the gang.
Nails[angrily
to the gang]:
Fuck off!
Tommo
pulls
Hotrod away and the others follow.
When they have gone Nails turns his attention back to Janice whom he is
still holding in his arms.
Nails:
Oh,
Janice!
Nails
gets his
hands under Janice’s skirt.
Janice [alarmed]:
Not on the street! No! No,
Michael! I want our first time to be something lovely,
something
we can always remember. No!
Nails:
What’s up?
Janice:
No, Michael! You don’t want to cheapen your future
wife’s reputation, do you?
Nails
is so
stunned by this news that he lets her
go. She begins patting her hair into place, but he seizes her
again and begins kissing her so violently that she is unable to resist
and must submit until he pauses for breath.
Janice:
Phew! If this is what you’re like now, I
don’t know how I’ll survive the honeymoon.
Nails:
Oh!
Janice:
Gently! Gently, Michael. You’re so
strong. You forget girls are delicate.
Nails:
I
didn’t hurt you, did I?
Janice:
Oh, Michael, I don’t think anything you could do could ever
hurt me. Oh, I’m so happy.
Nails:
Me
too.
They
embrace.
Janice:
You won’t start that street-fight now, will
you? I couldn’t bear it if you got hurt and we had
to put
off the wedding.
Nails:
I’ll never get into fights again. Never!
Janice:
Oh, I’m so happy!
They
embrace.
Janice:
And you’ll come back to the YPF? I want to tell
them – about us!
Nails [kissing
her]:
Yes. Yes, my darling.
Janice:
And you won’t let the gang attack us?
Nails:
Attack? How could I?
Janice[kissing
him]:
I love you – but, darling, hadn’t you better tell
the boys not to attack the YPF?
Nails:
Yes. I will. Tommo!
Tommo[appearing
from the shadows]:
Yes, Nails?
Nails:
The
battle’s off!
Tommo:
What?
Nails:
No
arguments! It’s off! You and the lads
had better keep right away from the YPF, or you’ll have me
to
reckon with.
Tommo:
What about Swarrell?
Nails:
I
don’t give a f…
–
[conscious
of Janice]:
f… flick of me fingers for
Swarrell. It’s all off. I’m
going back with
Janice. We’re getting married.
Tommo:
Hey, that’s great! Hey, congratulations,
Nails. Hey, wait till the lads hear about this!
Enter
Marlene
and Claire.
Marlene:
Hear about what?
Tommo:
Nails. He’s getting married. To Janice
Greenwood.
Marlene: WHAT?!!
Janice:
I’m so glad you’re here to congratulate me,
Marlene. I know how fond you are of Michael and how much you
want
him to be happy. Isn’t it wonderful: he’s
chosen me,
and I’ve chose him.
He’s all mine.
Marlene:
You bitch!!!
Marlene
lunges
at Janice. Nails holds her back.
Marlene:
You bitch! You stinking, bloody bitch!
I’ll scratch your eyes out! Lemme get at her!
Nails:
That’s enough!
Marlene:
I’ll kill her, the bitch! And you!
Marlene
struggles to get at Janice. Nails
slaps her face. She gasps with shock and collapses into
near-silent sobbing.
Nails:
You
keep away from Janice, do you hear? You’re
not fit to come within a hundred mile of her. Do you hear me,
you
slag?
Nails
shakes
Marlene. Tommo intervenes.
Tommo:
Oi!
Marlene
sobs. Nails and Tommo glare at each other. Janice
takes Nails’s arm.
Janice:
Come on, Michael. We don’t want to get involved in
a common street-brawl.
Nails
hesitates, then allows her to lead him away. Marlene
continues sobbing. Enter Scouse.
Scouse:
What’s going on? What’s she crying for?
Tommo:
Nails hit her.
Scouse:
What?!
Tommo:
He
cracked her across the gob and went off with Janice
Greenwood. Call the lads. We’re going to
do him for
this.
Marlene[hysterically]:
And her!
I want her
slaughtered! It’s all her
fault. Kill them!
Kill them both!
Marlene
rushes
off, followed by the helpless and silent Claire. Pause.
Scouse:
What you gonna do, Tommo?
Tommo:
I’m gonna get vengeance for Marlene, ain’t
I? Call the lads!
ACT
III, SCENE 4
The
YPF. Nails
and Janice are surrounded by an admiring crowd.
Mouse:
This is wonderful news. We’re terribly
grateful to you, Michael. I know it must have taken great
courage
to break with your past like that.
Murmurs
of
assent.
Nails:
It’s Janice you should thank. If it
hadn’t been for her …
John:
Good
old Janice!
Janice:
It
was nothing. I knew it had to be done.
Julie:
You
were terribly brave.
Janice
smiles.
Nails:
She’s too modest. She came through the whole crowd
of them to find me – in spite of the danger.
Janice:
Let’s not talk about it.
Nails:
She’s wonderful.
Mouse[singing]:
For she’s a jolly good fellow,
YPF [singing]:
for she’s a jolly good fellow,
for she’s a jolly
good fe-ellow,
which nobody can deny.
John:
Three cheers for Janice! Hip, hip …
YPF:
Hooray!
John:
Hip,
hip …
YPF:
Hooray!
John:
Hip,
hip …
YPF:
Hooray!
Nails[to
Janice]:
Shall we tell them?
Janice[to
Nails]:
Not yet, darling. Let’s keep it as our special
secret.
Nails:
But
…
Janice:
Oh, Michael, a secret engagement is so romantic.
You don’t know what it means to me to have a secret that
nobody
knows but us two.
Nails[doubtfully]:
We...ell …
Janice:
Besides, they’re all so excited now that they
wouldn’t take it in properly. When we announce it
we want
to do it really well, don’t we. We should choose a
time
when we’re sure of getting their undivided
attention.
Let’s keep it until next week, then we’ll make a
big
announcement and have a real celebration. Shall we, pet?
Nails[attempting
to kiss
her]: I love you.
Janice[obstructing
him by arranging
her hair]: I love you,
pet.
Mouse
claps
for attention.
Mouse:
All
right, chaps and girls, we’ve had a lot of
excitement this evening, so now we’re really ready for our
Quiet
Time. Come on, let’s show Michael just how quickly
we can
get the chairs ready.
The
YPF begin
clearing up the hall and arranging the folding chairs in rows.
Mouse[to
Nails]:
We always have ten or twenty minutes
Quiet Time at the end of each of our get-togethers, when we think about
the Lord and thank Him for all His goodness. It’s
not a
formal service, just a few moments of prayerful togetherness with Him.
Nails:
I
see.
A
stone
crashes through one of the windows in an
explosion of broken glass. Cries and screams rend the air as
the
YPF stampede away from the window, knocking over chairs in their flight.
Mouse:
Keep calm, everybody! Keep calm!
Calm
seems to
be returning, then the door is thrown
open with a crash, and Tommo enters, followed by Scouse, Hotrod and the
rest of the gang, who outnumber the YPF. They stand in silent
menace, thumbs hooked in belts.
Mouse [nervously to the YPF]:
Keep calm. – [to
the gang]: What do
you want?
Tommo
surveys
Mouse arrogantly.
Nails[striding
forward angrily]:
I told you to stay away from here! What’s got into
you, Tommo?
Tommo:
Shurrup!
Nails:
What did you say?
Tommo:
I
said Shurrup!
Nails:
You
tired o’ living or summat?
Tommo:
Oh
yeah? What’re you gonna do about it?
Nails:
You’ll see. – [To
the gang]:
Get him, lads!
No-one
moves.
Tommo[sniggering]:
Wassamarrar, Nails? Won’t they take orders from you
any more?
Gang[mockingly]:
Aw!
Scouse:
Diddums, diddums? Aw!
Gang:
Aw!
Nails:
I’ll fix you, Tommo!
Tommo:
You
and who else?
Nails:
Just me. That’s all that’s needed.
Tommo:
Like you fixed the Swarrell lot? Like you fixed the
young pooves fellowshit? Like you fixed Marlene?
’Cos that’s about all you’re
good for: smacking
tarts in the gob!
Gang:
Yeah!
Mouse: Now
… er … wait a minute, lads …
Tommo:
Shurrup!
Mouse:
I’m not going to allow you to make a bear-garden …
Tommo:
Shurrup! If you know what’s good for you.
Gang:
Yeah!
Tommo:
It’s Nails Palmer we’ve come for – but
it doesn’t matter to us if we have to smash you lot to get
him.
Gang: Yeah!
Mouse:
Why? What have you got against him?
Nails:
Keep out of this, Vicar.
Tommo:
Hey, look, lads! He’s going to sacrifice himself to
save his friends.
Scouse:
He’s going to turn the other cheek.
Gang:
Raaay!
Tommo:
Izzat right, Nails? ’Cos you know what we want,
don’t you?
Scouse:
What do we want, Tommo?
Tommo:
We
wan’ ’is kecks!
Gang:
Raaaay!
Tommo:
You
know what they say, Nails? Greater love hath no
man than this: that he lay down his pants for his friends.
Scouse:
Yeah, that’s right! Get ’em off!
Gang:
Geddem off! Geddem off!
The
gang laugh
and begin to sing striptease music.
Nails:
Get
stuffed!
Tommo:
Don’t think your new friends are gonna help you.
Hotrod:
They know what’s coming to ’em if they try.
Gang:
Yeah! We’ll slaughter them! Smash the
YPF! Smash the YPF!
Janice[to
Nails]:
Oh, Michael! You can’t let
them hurt Victor. You know we
can’t
stand up to them.
Give them what they want and they’ll go away.
Please
Michael. For Jesu’s sake.
Scouse[to
Tommo]:
Careful, m’n.
Mouse:
Can’t we settle this amicably?
Tommo[to
Mouse]:
Watch it!
Hotrod:
Kick his head in!
Janice[to
Nails]:
Oh, please, Michael! For my
sake!
Nails:
Oh!
… Tommo! Tommo! Leave him be!
Tommo:
Giving orders again?
Nails:
It
weren’t him you come for.
Tommo:
Changed your mind, have you? Gonna hand over your kecks?
The
gang begin
to wolf-whistle and catcall, then to
whistle and sing a striptease song as Nails takes off his
trousers. Tommo snatches them from him, throws them up in the
air
then catches them and brandishes them above his head while the gang
cheer and jeer. Somebody begins to whistle the Nails Palmer
song
and the whole gang takes it up, swarming around Nails, jostling and
pushing him, pulling at his remaining clothes and jabbing at his
groin. At the chorus they burst into song.
Tommo:
Come on, lads! Now let’s go and smash Swarrell.
Gang:
Raaaay! Smash Swarrell! Smash Swarrell!
The
gang
begins milling towards the door. Nails is able to escape his
tormentors and get to Janice.
Nails:
Wait a minute! Wait a minute! I’ve got
summat to say!
The
gang turn
to listen.
Nails:
You
think you’ve won, don’t you Tommo? Well,
you haven’t won anything! Not from me!
Groans
from
the gang.
Nails:
You
wanna grow up, you lot. You’re like a lot
o’ little kids. D’you think it means
anything to me
if you take me pants off?
Scouse:
Course it does.
Nails:
That’s all some of you think about.
There’s more to life than that.
Tommo:
Raay! Just listen to the reverend Michael Palmer!
Come on, tell us what!
Nails:
All
right. I’ll tell you.
Gang:
Yeah, come on! Come on, then!
Nails:
Just listen, will ya? Everybody shurrup!
I’ve got an announcement
to make.
There
is a
hush. Nails grabs Janice’s
hand and strides into the space between the gang and the still cowering
YPF, dragging her with him.
Nails:
Listen everybody! Me and Janice are engaged to be married!
Nails
embraces
Janice and attempts to kiss her. She resists him.
Gang:
Raay! Come on there, Nails! Get in there
Nails! Raaay! Raaay!
Hotrod:
Have we to take her
knickers off, an’all?
Tommo:
It’s the only way he’ll
ever make it.
Gang:
Raaay!
Janice:
Gerroff! Gerroff, I said!
Suddenly
Janice knees Nails in the groin. He
lets her go and collapses in doubled-up agony. The gang gasp
then
cheer.
Janice[to
Nails]:
Just who do you think you are
that’s what I’d like to know just who do you think
you are
you’re an animal
I wouldn’t marry
you if you were the last
man on earth you’ve brought nothing but trouble ever since
you
came do you think I’d marry someone like you
you must be mad
if
you do! Just look
at you standing there in your underpants
making
stupid
announcements as if you thought you were somebody
well
you’re not and I’m finished
with you
do you hear me
finished
so
you can just crawl back under the stone you came from
’cos I never want to see you again you’ve made me a
laughing stock and I hate
you! I despise
you! Oh, Victor!
Janice
throws
herself into Mouse’s arms.
Mouse pats her on the back in embarrassed helplessness. The
gang
laugh and sneer.
Tommo:
That’s ruined his prospects. Come on
lads! Let’s go and take the pants off the Swarrell
gang.
Gang:
Raaay!
As
the gang
start going out Marlene pushes her way in.
Marlene:
Where is he? What’ve you done to him?
Tommo:
Come on, Marlene! We showed him. Look!
Marlene:
Oh!
Tommo:
There’s the great hero! Lost his pants
again! Dunn’e look daft?
Marlene:
What’ve you done
to him?
Tommo:
Here’s his kecks, Marlene! I gottem for you!
Tommo
brandishes Nails’s trousers, then
stretches out his arm to give them to Marlene, but she is staring in
horror at Nails, who is still bent double.
Tommo:
Come on, Marlene! D’you wanna kick ’im in
the balls? Shall I hold him for you?
Marlene
darts
forward and shoves Tommo away.
Then she puts her arms round Nails comfortingly and protectingly.
Marlene:
Nails! Nails! It’s me!
It’s Marlene! Are you all right, love?
Nails [still
in pain]:
Yes. I’m all right.
Tommo [puzzled]:
Marlene?
Marlene [turning
on Tommo in fury]:
What did you have to do that
to him for? What for?
Tommo:
But
…
Marlene:
He’s worth a hundred of you – a million!
Get out of my sight – and give me them!
Marlene
snatches Nails’ trousers from Tommo and turns to Nails.
Marlene:
You’re all right now, pet. You’re all
right. I’m here. I’m with you
now. Does
it still hurt?
Nails:
A
bit – not so bad.
Marlene:
Put your trousers on again, pet. Here they are.
Marlene
helps
Nails put his trousers on. Tommo
stands bewildered. The gang watch curiously. The
YPF still
dare not move.
Marlene:
Where’s your shoes, pet? – [to the YPF]:
Where’s his shoes?
A
boy
retrieves Nails’s shoes from the corner where they have been
kicked.
Tommo:
Marlene?
Marlene:
Get out of my sight!
Tommo:
But
…
Scouse[to
Tommo]:
Come on, m’n. Leave her.
Hotrod:
Yeah! Come on! We’re gonna exterminate
Swarrell!
Gang:
Yeah, come on!
Let’s go!
Smash Swarrell! Smash Swarrell!
The
gang
leave. Tommo stands bewildered.
Scouse leads him away. Meanwhile Marlene fastens
Nails’s
shoes.
Marlene:
Come on, pet. Let’s go home.
Nails:
Marlene?
Marlene:
Yes, love?
Nails:
I
love you, Marlene.
Marlene [tenderly]:
Oh come on, you great soft nelly.
Let’s get you home before you lose anything else. I
don’t know what you would do if you didn’t have me
to look
after you.
Nails
and
Marlene go out with their arms about each
other. After a short pause the YPF begin to unfreeze and look
around. Mouse disengages himself from Janice.
Mouse:
Well, come on, chaps. Let’s get the place
tidied up. Get all the chairs in rows, then we’ll
have our
Quiet Time. I think we need it more tonight than
we’ve ever
needed it before.
The
YPF begin
to tidy up. Janice hooks onto Mouse’s arm.