Claire: Yeah,
I’m going to the
pictures wid’ him
again tonight. We’re going to see Dracula and the seven
werewolves, or
something. Seems he likes horror
films. Do
you like horror films?
Marlene[absently]:
They’re orright.
Claire: I
can’t stand them
meself. Nothing but
vampires and bats and creepy old castles and that sort of
thing.
They give me nightmares.
Marlene[absently]:
Why d’you go then?
Claire: Well, Keith
likes them.
Marlene[absently]:
He’d go somewhere else if you asked him.
Claire[lubriciously]:
I know where he’d like
to go.
Marlene[absently]:
Well ask him then.
Claire: Ooh,
Marlene! A’m
not some tart from Swarrell you know.
Marlene[absently]:
Mmh?
Claire:
Aren’t you interested in Keith?
Marlene[absently]:
Mmh, yeah. Course.
Claire:
He’s got lovely curly
hair. Hey, the bit I
like is where it’s all soft and fluffy round the back of his
neck. It’s sort of nice and … sexy
… and
… well … you
know.
Marlene[absently]:
Yeah.
Claire:
Honestly! You don’t
care a bit!
You’re not one bit interested in Keith. I might as
well
have been speaking to a brick wall as to you, Marlene Foster.
I
bet you’re still mooning over Nails.
Marlene: No I am
not!
Claire: I bet you
are. Just
’cos he hasn’t come for you for the last five days.
Marlene: Six.
Claire: A told you!
Marlene: I
don’t care! A don’t know why you
think I
care! If Nails Palmer wants to go round making a fool of
himself, I
don’t care!
Claire: Ooh, you do!
Marlene: A don’t!
Claire:
You’ve hardly said a word all
week. You and Nails have been going together for ever such a
long time.
Marlene: Four years
isn’t such a long
time – and it
isn’t even four years. It’s only about
three and
three quarters.
Claire: Yeah, I
know, but … A mean
… why doesn’t he come?
Marlene:I
don’t know.
Claire: Has he
found someone else,
d’ya think?
Marlene[forcefully]:
No!
Claire: How
d’you know?
Marlene: A just do,
that’s all. Who d’you think
would ’ave him after he let that Swarrell lot …
make a
fool of him like that. I
wouldn’t. Don’t you
ever
mention his name again!
Claire: All
right. I won’t.
Silence.
Marlene: If he
would only do
something.
Claire: Such as
what?
Marlene: Well, like
raiding Swarrell.
A mean, it’s
not just him
that’s getting laughed at. They’re
laughing at all of us now.
Claire: Yeah,
there’s always somebody
whistling that tune.
Marlene:I
don’t care!
Enter
Tommo and Scouse.
Tommo:
’Lo, Marlene.
’Lo, Claire.
Claire: Hi!
Marlene[as
if disgusted]: Oh,
it’s you.
Tommo: Heard about
Nails?
Marlene: A
don’t want t’
know.
Claire:
She’s sick of him.
Tommo:
That’s all right then,
’cos he’s found himself a new bird.
Marlene: Course he
hasn’t!
Tommo: He has.
Marlene:
You’re a liar!
That’s what you are, Richard Thompson!
You’re a liar!
Tommo: Why
d’you think he’s
been keeping out of your way?
Marlene:
’Cos he’s ashamed
of himself, and well he
might be. Fancy letting them do things like that to him!
Scouse:
They’re like
that in
Swarrell.
Tommo:
Marlene’s right!
It’s a bloody
disgrace. Calls himself leader of the gang, and then he lets
the
Swarrell lot steal his trousers!
Marlene: It
wasn’t his
fault! They’d have
stripped anybody. They’d have stripped you
if
they’d
caught you.
Tommo: But they didn’t
catch me.
I
had me
mind on the
job. I wasn’t thinking about Janice Greenwood.
Marlene: Who?
Tommo: Janice
Greenwood.
Nails’s new bird.
Marlene: Never
heard of her.
Tommo:
She’s one of them church
lot. Works in the public library.
Marlene: A
don’t believe ya.
Scouse:
It’s right. Nails
told us himself.
Doesn’t care about any of us any more.
He’s gone all
religious.
Tommo:
“Better I should lose my pants
than my soul.” That’s what he said.
Scouse: You should
’ve seen him when
Tommo asked if he was getting’ it off her. Hey, he
was mad!
Tommo: Says
he’s going to marry her.
Marlene: Well, more
fool her if she’ll
have him. I wouldn’t, A can tell you that.
Tommo: A thought
you were keen on each
other. You went around together for long enough.
Marlene: I went out
with the leader,
with the
commander-in-chief.
Not with a boy
that lets the Swarrell lot
take his trousers
off and send him home in his shirt,
and’s too
scared
to
do anything about it.
Tommo: So you
… sort of …
don’t care about him?
Marlene: Listen, if
you
were leader of
the gang I’d go round with you.
Tommo: Would you?
Marlene: Or anybody.
Tommo: Would you
though?
Marlene [emotionally]:
Anybody that was leader
and could
stay
leader. That’s what I said and that’s
what I
meant. You don’t think I care about Nails Palmer,
do
you. You’re daft
if you do, ’cos A don’t.
She can have him if she wants him – if she’s daft
enough to
want him.
I don’t –
come on, Claire, A thought
we were goin’ down to Miltons to get some o’ that
stuff.
Claire [puzzled]:
What stuff?
Marlene: Come
on! You know.
Exit
Marlene, followed by Claire.
Tommo: A told you,
didn’t A?
Scouse:
Yeah. Now all you’ve
got to do is get to be chief of the gang.
Tommo:
Easy! Nails is finished.
Scouse:
There’s others.
Tommo:
There’s only us
that’s done anything about them Swarrell lads.
Scouse: Oh yeah,
we’ve done great,
haven’t we? Chased some kids for singing that song.
Tommo: They were
dead scared.
Scouse: They were
only little kids.
Tommo: We nearly
caught one of ’em
– and anyway I’ll think of something.
A’ve got plans.
Scouse: Huh!
Enter
Nails.
Nails: Hey,
lads! Where’s
the gang?
Tommo: What
d’you
want
wi’ the gang?
Nails: Watch it,
Tommo!
Scouse:
They’re somewhere around.
Nails:
We’re gonna do that bloody
YPF! And then we’ll do
Swarrell.
Tommo: The YPF?
Scouse: Swarrell?
Tommo: What about
Janice?
Nails:
Don’t mention that
bitch’s name to me!
Come on! What are you standing about for? A want
everybody
at the corner of Wellington Street in half an hour.
Exit
Nails. Tommo makes an angry, two-fingered gesture after him.
Scouse: What are
you going to do now, Tommo?
Tommo[after
a pause]: Come on!
Tommo
moves off.
Scouse[following]:
Where?
Tommo: YPF.
Exeunt
Tommo and Scouse.
ACT II, SCENE 2
Street
outside St Sweyne’s Church Hall. Tommo and Scouse.
Scouse: A still
don’t know what
you’re up to.
Tommo: A told you:
we’re gonna join
the YPF.
Scouse: Yeah, but
what for?
Tommo: So we can
warn ’em about Nails
an’ them.
Scouse: What do we
want to warn them
for? They’ll be
ready for us when we attack. Hey, man, Tommo, the
gang’ll
do
you for
that if they find out. It’s high treason.
Tommo: Belt up and
listen, will ya?
We’re gonna tell
Janice Greenwood that Nails has gone back to violence and evil ways and
she’s got to stop him.
Scouse: What good
will that do?
Tommo[imitating
Yogi Bear]: You
still haven’t got it,
have you Boo-boo boy?
Scouse[imitating
Boo-boo]: No, Yogi.
Tommo: Listen,
m’n:
Janice’ll go after him to save
the rest o’ them. It’s summat religious
people
do. It makes ’em feel good. And
she’ll tell
him, she loves him, and she’ll slobber over him, and before
you
know it he’ll have forgotten the gang and be turning the
other
cheek again – and that’s
where we come in.
Scouse: Yeah, but
supposing Nails and the gang
come in while we’re still at the friggin’ YPF?
Tommo:
We’ll have to be quick, then,
won’t we?
Aw, don’t worry, m’n. Leave it to Nelly,
Claggy, Wank
and ’Utch . They’ll stall ’em
as long as they
can. Come on!
Tommo
sticks his thumbs in his belt and moves
towards the YPF. Scouse does the same, moving with a slight
swagger to simulate the confidence he does not feel.
ACT II, SCENE 3
St
Sweyne’s Church Hall: the YPF dance, as before.
Enter Tony and Des, agitated and running.
Des: Hey!
Look out!
It’s Nails Palmer’s gang!
Tony:
They’re coming!
Des
and Tony barge through the dancers towards Mouse.
Des:
They’re coming to do us over!
Tony: Nails
Palmer’s lot!
There
is a general buzz of panic.
Mouse: Keep
calm! Keep calm!
Des, Tony, come here and tell me, calmly,
what it is you have to tell me.
John: We
haven’t time for
that. They’re coming!
Des: Nails
Palmer’s gang!
They’re coming!
John: Should we bar
the doors?
Mouse: Are you sure
they’re coming
here?
Des & Tony:
Yes! Yes!
Julie: Look!
All
eyes turn towards the door, where Tommo and
Scouse have entered and are now standing looking around, their thumbs
still tucked into their belts. Scouse affects a gum-chewing
motion, but keeps slightly behind and very close to Tommo.
Scouse[whispering
to Tommo]: You sure
it’s all right?
Tommo[who
is not]: Yeah,
course I am.
Tommo
and Scouse look around them
challengingly. After a short pause in which all the YPF
members
seem frozen, Mouse moves forward.
Janice: Oh, do be
careful, Victor.
Mouse
advances like a western hero across the empty floor.
Mouse: Er
… um …
Hello. Is there anything we can do for you boys?
Tommo:
Yeah. We’re friends
of Nails
Palmer’s. We’ve come along to join your
club
’cos Nails said he had such a great time here.
Scouse: Yeah,
that’s right.
Mouse[relieved]:
Oh … er … good …
splendid. Come on in. We were a little worried when
Michael
left so suddenly.
Scouse:
Who’s Michael, Tommo?
Tommo[whispering]:
Nails, ya berk! - [To
Mouse]:
Yeah, he suddenly remembered a pressing engagement, but he told us what
a great time he had, so we come along, ’cos we’re
tired of
hanging round street corners.
Scouse:
Yeah. You only get into fights
an’ that.
Tommo:
That’s right. If
there were more places like
this, lads wouldn’t get into trouble with the fu …
er
… police so much.
Mouse: Well
it’s very gratifying to
hear you say it. Do come in and meet the chaps and girls.
Tommo: Thank you,
Sir.
Scouse[whispering]:
Sir?!
Tommo
makes a threatening gesture behind Mouse’s back and Scouse
subsides.
Mouse[without
turning]: Your
friend’s quite
right. You don’t have to call me Sir.
I’m
Victor. What are your names?
Scouse: Call me
Scou …
Tommo
kicks him.
Tommo:
I’m Peter Smith and
he’s Paul Jones.
Mouse
leads Tommo and Scouse into the crowd. Des, Tony and Alan
come to the front.
Des: I tell you
that’s Tommo
Thompson. The other
one’s called Scouse. A dunno what his real name
is.
Everybody just calls him Scouse – but A know the other
one’s Tommo Thompson.
Tony: What would he
say he was called Peter
Smith for if he’s not?
Des: How do I
know? They must be up to
something. Somebody better tell Mr Mouse.
Alan: You go then,
if you’re so clever.
Des: We should
tell him. They could be spies.
Tony[scornfully]:
Spies?!
Des:
Yeah. You all saw the look on
Nails Palmer’s
face when he went out. We all said he would probably come
back
with his gang and do us over.
Tony:
What’s he need spies for that
for?
Des: Find out how
many of us there
are. Make sure
we’re not prepared. Lull our suspicions, and then
–
WHAM!
Alan: Wham?
Des: Yeah:
WHAM! First thing we know
they’ll be on top of us.
Tony[mockingly]:
We’ll all be murdered in our beds!
Des: Yes!
Alan: I think your
imagination’s
running away with you.
Tony:
He’s getting over-heated.
Alan: He needs
cooling off.
Julie
and Norma join them.
Julie: I suppose
little Miss
Smarty-Knickers’ll take the credit for this now as well.
Alan: What?
Norma: Those
friends of Michael
Palmer’s, Peter and Paul.
Des: Tommo and
Scouse.
Tony: Des thinks
they’re spies.
Norma: What?
Julie:
She’ll be the Queen of the
May. Just look
at
her swanking round as if the sun shines out of her …
elbow. Well I’m not staying here to look at her
smirking
all over the place. Come on, you lot.
There’s a bad
smell in here.
They
move away as Tommo, Scouse, Janice, Mouse, John, Anne and the rest of
Mouse’s group come forward.
Tommo: Yeah,
it’s great here.
Mouse: I wish you
could stay a bit
longer. Get to know a few more of the chaps … and
chapesses.
Tommo: Yeah, well,
we’d like to
…
Scouse:
… but we got a pressing
engagement.
Tommo:
Yeah. We promised some
o’ the lads – but we’ll come back next
week.
Janice: Oh I do
hope so – and Michael
too.
Tommo: Oh
yeah. Michael’ll
be back. He can’t wait.
Scouse: He talks of
nothing else.
Tommo: See ya.
Scouse: Tarrah.
Mouse and others:
Goodbye.
Janice: Come again!
Scouse: Yeah, we
will.
Exeunt
Tommo and Scouse.
Mouse: Well,
Janice, it looks as if more than we
thought is going to come of your conversion of Michael Palmer.
Janice: Do you
think so, Victor? How
wonderful!
Mouse:
I’m sure of it.
Janice
smiles adoringly at Mouse.
ACT II, SCENE 4
The
street outside the church hall. Tommo and Scouse.
Scouse: Why
didn’t you tell them?
Tommo:
Subtlety. We’ve got
to gain their confidence first.
Scouse: So what do
we do now?
Tommo: Get back to
Nails and them.
Stall ’em a bit
more. Make sure things are going right. Then back
here and
warn the YPF lot.
ACT
II,
SCENE 5
The
corner of Wellington Street. Nails’s
gang has assembled. Marlene and Claire push their way through
to
the centre of the crowd to find Nails.
Marlene:
Nails! Is it true?
Nails: What?
Marlene: That
you’re going to do
Swarrell?
Nails: Yeah
– and
the YPF.
Marlene: Then
you’ve finished with
that bitch Janice Greenwood?
Nails: If I see her
again I’ll kick
her up the fucking twat!
Marlene: Oh, Nails!
Marlene
embraces Nails. They cling to each
other in a passionate embrace. Tommo and Scouse push their
way
through the crowd. Tommo scowls when he sees Nails with
Marlene.
Tommo[loudly]:
Are we ready to move off yet, Nails?
Nails[disengaging
himself unwillingly from Marlene]:
When
I
give the
word! It won’t take long to smash the YPF.
Tommo: Are we
moving right on to Swarrell after?
Nails:
Yeah! Is everybody here?
Tommo: Hang on a
bit! Nelly and
them’s not here yet.
Scouse: They went
looking for the Victoria Park
mob.
Tommo:
They’re handy lads in a fight,
the Victoria Park mob.
Nails: We
haven’t got all night.
Tommo:
I’ll go and look for them, eh?
Nails: Hurry up,
then!
Exeunt
Tommo and Scouse.
ACT II, SCENE 6
The
YPF. Couples are dancing. Enter
Tommo and Scouse, running and out of breath. They force their
way
through the dancers, colliding with some and knocking them off
balance. The dancers turn angrily, but Tommo and Scouse do
not
stop until they reach Mouse.
Tommo:
They’re coming! You
gotta bar the doors!
Mouse:
What’s wrong? Who are
coming?
Tommo: Nails and
them!
They’re going to do you over!
Mouse: Surely not?
Janice: Michael
would never do anything so wrong.
Tommo: You
don’t understand.
It’s the
others. They said he was chicken for not smashing the
Swarrell
lads for what they did to him. They told him everybody was
laughing at him. Said he would have to prove himself again.
Mouse: I
don’t see what this has to do
with us.
Tommo: They said it
was you lot stopped him
getting his
revenge. They said if it hadn’t been for her
– [he
indicates Janice] –
he’d have
slaughtered the Swarrell lot.
Scouse: They said
you lot told him to turn the
other cheek.
Mouse:
It’s what our Master taught us:
Love your enemies and do good unto them that hate you.
Tommo: Yeah,
that’s all very well, but
the lads don’t
see it like that. They think it’s a matter of
honour.
If you don’t stick up for yourself they think
you’re
chicken.
Scouse:
They’ve persuaded him.
Tommo:
It’s not easy to stand up
against all your mates even if you think you’re right.
Scouse: Not when
you’re on your own.
Tommo: So
they’re coming, and
there’s nowt you can do about it.
Janice: There must
be something!
Des: Lock the doors.
Tony:
There’s the cricket gear for
weapons.
Mouse:
No! No! We must not
return violence for violence.
John: We
can’t just stand here and let
them beat us up.
Tony:
We’ve got to stop them!
Tommo:
There’s one
way.
All: What?
Tommo:
He’d listen to her.
Tommo
indicates Janice.
Mouse: What do you
mean?
Tommo: If she went
to him … I mean
… He thinks a lot of her. He listened to her
before.
Mouse:
Yes. I see. The power
of Love bringing a backslider to Christ again.
Tommo:
That’s right.
Mouse
looks at Janice expectantly.
Janice:
No! I couldn’t!
Mouse: But you
could prevent an ugly fight,
injuries – perhaps even someone’s death.
Janice[snuggling
close to Mouse]:
I’m afraid, Victor.
Mouse: Even Our
Lord was afraid, Janice.
Tommo: They
wouldn’t hurt
you. They’d never touch a girl on her own.
Scouse:
You’d be safer out there than
staying here.
Julie[sarcastically]:
Now’s your chance to be a real
heroine.
Mouse: It would be
a splendid deed –
like a beacon on a dark night.
Janice: Well
…
Tommo: I know
he’d listen to you.
Janice:
I’ll do it if she
comes with me.
Janice
indicates Julie. All look at her expectantly.
Julie[sullenly]:
All right.
There
is a general feeling of relief. Tommo
and Scouse escort Janice and Julie to the door. Tommo turns
in
the doorway.
Tommo: Hey, mind,
nobody’s to
leave.
Understand? They’ll have lads watching the
place. If
they see people leaving they’ll start the attack before she
gets
a chance to talk to him.
Mouse: Then how
will you
get through.
Tommo:
We’ll be all right.
They know us.
They’ll think we’ve just picked up a couple of
birds
– but if you lot start sneaking off, that’ll be
different. They’ll go for you – and
it’s not
just you I’m thinking of. There’s me and
Scou
… er … Wassisname. They’ll
know we’ve
warned you. As for Janice – well I don’t
know what
they might do to her.